I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
