how can u be prego again
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
