Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
