Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
