I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
