just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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