I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize