She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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