And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
