I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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