All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He shit in the fireplace
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
