You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize