I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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