I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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