So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
