can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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