I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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