I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
