and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
