is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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