someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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