I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
