Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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