No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
