I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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