I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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