this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
