piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
