i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
they're like a gay fantastic four
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize