In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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