fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's rum buckets o'clock
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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