you guys were way drunker than both of me
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
