Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
