Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
