Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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