You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
