The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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