We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
