i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
