He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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