Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Randomize
