my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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