dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
