is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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