I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
