I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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