I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
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