you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You left your phone here
Wait...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
