I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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