AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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