Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
