fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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