I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize