Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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