Yo dont text me then not text me
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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