Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
your room smells of hookers.
And success
well you can't waste a boner
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Randomize
