According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
