She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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