Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Dick very happy bro
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
