I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize