I'm gonna have a badass scar
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
