The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
The beer is more important than you right now.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
