HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize