Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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