my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
