He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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