She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize