And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
