I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
