I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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