Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
