You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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