But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Randomize