So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
