when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
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