Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize