Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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