Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
