Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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