why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
