the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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