I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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